
Class 



Boo 






Author 



Title 



Imprint 



OPO 16 — 7464 










Copyright, 1876, by George M, Baker 



fr No. 



No...^ 

c^ i87e. 






J? 



I SPENCER'S UNIVERSAL STAGE 




A Collection of COMEDIES, DRAMAS, and FARCES, adapted to either Public 

or Private Performance. Containing a full description of all 

the necessary Stage Business. 



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12. 



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JPMJCCE, 15 CENTS JEA.CJEL. ^~ No Plays exchanged. 



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Lost m London. A Drama in 
Three Acts. 6 Male, 4 Female char- 
acters. 

Nicholas Flam. A Comedy in Two 
Acts. By J. B. Buckstone. 5 Male, 
3 Female characters. 

The' Welsh Girl. A Comedy in 
One Act. By Mrs. Planche. 3 Male, 
2 Female characters. 

John Wopps. A Farce in One Act. 
By W. E. Suter. 4 Male, 2 Female 
characters. 

The Turkish Bath. A Farce in 
One Act. By Montague Williams 
and F. C. Burnand. (5 Male, 1 Fe- 
male character. 

The Two Puddifoots. A Farce 
in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 
Male, 3 Female characters. 

Old Honesty.- A Comic Drama in 
Two Acts. By J. M. Morton. 5 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix. A 
Farce in One Act. By W. E. Suter. 

2 Male characters. 
Smashington Goit. A Farce in 

One Act. By T. J. Williams. 5 Male, 

3 Female characters. 

Two Heads Better thanOne. A 
Farce in One Act. By Lenox Home. 

4 Male, 1 Female character. 

John Boobs. A Farce in One Act. 
By J. M. Morton. 5 Male, 2 Female 
characters. 

The Baughter of the Regi- 
ment. A Drama in Two Acts. By 
Edward Fitzbali. ' 6 Male, 2 Female 
characters. 

Aunt Charlotte's Maid. A Farce 
in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 
Male, 3 Female characters. 

Brother Bill and Me. A Farce in 
One Act. By W. E. Suter. 4 Male, 
3 Female characters. 

Bone on Both Sides. A Farce in 
One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 
Male, 2 Female characters. 



o r 



L 



unduchetty's Picnic. A Farce 
, • ^ in One Act. By T. J. Williams. 6 
Vi, 3» Male, 3 Female characters. 

1/. I've written to Browne. A Farce 
in One Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 
Male, 3 Female characters. 



18. Lending a Band. A Farce in One 

Act. By G. A: A'Becket. 3 Male, 

2 Female characters. 

19. My Precious Betsy. A Farce in 

One Act By J. M. Morton. 4 Male, 
4 Female characters. 

20. My Turn Next. A Farce in One Act. 

By T. J. Williams. 4 Male, 3 Fe- 
male chat alters. 

21. Nine Point; * of the Law. A Com- 

edy in One Act. By Tom Taylor. 
4 Male, 3 Female characters. 

22. The Phantom Breakfast. A 

Farce in One Act. By Charles Sel- 
by. 3 Male, 2 Female characters. 

23. Dandelions Bodges. A Farce in 

One Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

24. A Slice of Luck. A Farce in One 

Act. By J. M. Morton. '4 Male, 2 
Female characters. 

25. Always Intended. A Comedy in 

One Act. By Horace Wigan. 3 
Male, 3 Female characters. 

26. A Bull in a China Shop. A Com- 

edy in Two Acts. By Charles Mat- 
thews. 6 Male, 4 Female characters. 

27. Another Glass. A Drama in One 

Act. By Thomas Morton. 6 Male, 

3 Female characters. 

28. Bowled Out, A Farce in One Act. 

By H. T. Craven. 4 Male, 3 Female 
characters. 

29. Cousin Tom. A Commedietta in 

One Act. By George Roberts. 3 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

30. Sarah's Young Man. A Farce in 

One Act. By W. E. Suter. 3 Male, 
3 Female characters. 

31. Hit Him, He has No Friends. 

A Farce in One Act. By E. Yates 
and N. H.Harrington. 7 Male, 3 
Female characters. 

oP~ The Christening. A Farce in One 

a<\ ict. By J. B. Buckstone. 5 Male, 

•* 6 Female characters. 

3;>. A Race for a Widow. A Farce 
in One Act. By Thomas J. Wil- 
liams. 5 Male, 4 Female characters. 

3 d - Your Life's in Banger. A Farce 
^ in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 
♦?• Male, 3 Female characters. 

z£. True unto Beath. A Drama in 
Two Acts. By J. Sheridan Knowles 
6 Male, 2 Female characters 



«£ 



COUPON BONDS: 



A PLAY IN FOUR ACTS. 



BY 



J. T. TROWBRIDGE. 



BOSTON: 

GEO. M. BAKER & CO., PUBLISHERS. 

1876. 






Copyright, 1876, 
BY J. T. TROWBRIDGE. 



3f; 



Note.— For the right of representation, Managers of Theatres can 
address the author at Arlington, Mass. 



CHARACTERS. 

Pa Ducklow, a well-to-do Farmer. 

Reuben, his adopted Son, a returned Soldier. 

Taddy, another adopted Son, Boy of twelve or thirteen. . 

Ferring, 1 . / 

jEPWORTH,J Nel g hb0rS ' i S 

Parson Grantley, an old Minister. «■ 

Dick, friend of Taddy, Boy of thirteen. 
Ma Ducklow, Farmer's Wife. 
Miss Boswick, elderly Maiden Lady. 
Sophronia, Reuben's Wife. 



COSTUMES. 

Ducklow. Act I., blue coat with brass buttons, dark pants, black silk vest, 
standing collar, checked gingham necktie, with gray parti-bald wig, "stovepipe" 
hat, overcoat. For the remainder of the piece, change to working dress, slouch 
hat and smock frock. 

Reuben. Dark pants, slippers, white shirt with wide collar, uniform coat 
of a private, open ; arm in sling. 

Teddy. Boy's suit, pants buttoned on to jacket, white collar, battered and 
torn hat. 

Dick. Jacket and overalls, slouch hat. 

Parson. Black suit, white neckerchief, and standing collar. 

Ferring. i 

Jepworth. } Rou S h farmer,s sults - 

Mrs. Ducklow. Cheap calico dress, white collar, gray hair, cap, cloak, and 
bonnet. 

Miss Beswick. Ditto, without the cap. 

Sophronia. Brown dress, with neat white collar and cuffs. 



COUPON BONDS. 

A PLAY IN FOUR ACTS. 



ACT I. 

Scene. — The Ducklow Kitchen. 

In flat (back side of the room), door, c, practicable j window, 
with adjustable shade or curtain, R. C. ; row of pegs, with 
old coat, slippers, bootjack, &C, L. c Chamber door, prac- 
ticable, L. side. Bedroom door, practicable, R., with rattan 
on hooks beside it, towards stage; R. corner, in the rear, 
sink near the wifidow, with shelf for mug, cups, tin pail, 
&°c. Stove between it and bedroom door. L. corner, clock ; 
L. corner and side, vacant chairs. Supper-table with one 
plate, Qr^c, set c As curtain rises, Mrs. Ducklow is dis- 
covered sewing, R. corner of table, by light of kerosene 
lamp. Taddy statiding near stove. There is an outcry 
from Taddy, who goes jumping about the room. 

Mrs. Ducklow. Why, Taddy ! what^s the matter ? 

Taddy (sucking the back of his hand). Blast her pictur'. ! 

Mrs. D. Blast whose pictur' ? 

Tad. That cat's ! Didn't she give me an awful scratch 
though ! 

Mrs. D. What was you a-doin' to the cat ? 

Tad. Noth-in' much ! (Sticks back of his hand.) 

Mrs. D. Answer me this minute, or I'll — (Reaches for 
rattan.) 

Tad. Oh ! I'll tell ! I'll tell ! I was only jest tryin' to 
see if the cat's tail would go into the nose of the tea-kittle. 
i* 



6 COUPON BONDS. 

Mrs. D. Cat's tail into the nose of the tea-kittle ! I'll 
cafs tail ye, if I hear of any more such nonsense. Go to 
bed ! 

Tad. Oh, dear ! can't I set up till Pa Ducklow comes 
home ? He'll want me to hold the lantern for him to take 
care of the hoss. 

Mrs. D. Go to bed, I tell you ! I want to mend your 
pants. 

Tad. You're always wantin' to mend my pants ! I wish 
there wasn't such a thing as pants in the world ! 

Mrs. D. What a wish that is ! Perty looking world it 
would be without pants, wouldn't it ? 

Tad. Don't care ! 

Mrs. D. Don't care ? You're an ungrateful child, after. 
all the trouble and expense yer Pa Ducklow and me have 
been to, to feed and clothe ye. Where'd ye be now, do ye 
think, if we hadn't adopted ye ? 

Tad. I shouldn't be goin' to bed when I don't want ter ! 

Mrs. D. You wouldn't be going to bed when you do want 
to, more likely ; for ten to one ye wouldn't have a bed to go 
to. Are ye goin' ? {Reaches for rattan?) 

Tad {screams, and darts to chamber door). Yes ! I'm 'most 
undressed a'ready ! {Disappears behind the door) 

Mrs. D. You better ! Fling me yer pants. {Aside) I 
was determined to have him out o' the way 'fore his Pa Duck- 
low comes home ; for I wouldn't have that boy git an idee of 
what's goin' on, for then everybody'd know. 

Tad {his head re-appears from behind the door, his hands 
holding his trousers). If she likes to mend so, let her ! 
{Tears them) 

Mrs. D. Taddy ! are ye tearin' them pants ? 

Tad. I was pullin' on 'em off. I never see such mean 
clpth ; can't touch it, but it tears. Say, Ma Ducklow ! do 
ye think he'll bring me home a new drum ? 

Mrs. D. You'll know in the mornin'. 

Tad. I want to know to-night. He said mabby he would. 
Say ! cati't I set up ? 

Mrs. D. {rising, and seizing rattan). I'll let ye know 
whether ye can set up after you've been told so many 
times ! {Rushes towards chamber door) 

Tad (flings his trousers at her, and disappears). I'm 
abed ! Say, Ma Ducklow, I'm abed ! I'm 'most asleep 
a'ready ! 



COUPON BONDS. 7 

Mrs. D. It's a good thing for you, you be ! {Takes up 
trousers.) Why, Taddy, you did tear 'em ! I've a good no- 
tion — {Starts angrily towards the chamber door, but stops to 
listen) There comes his Pa Ducklow ! I hear the wagon ! 
{Hurriedly puts up rattan, and opens door, c.) That 
you ? 

Mr. Ducklow {without). Yes. 

Mrs. D. Ye want the lantern ? 

Mr. D. {without). No ; just set the lamp in the winder. 
Whoa ! 

(Taddy's face re-appears, peeping. Mrs. D. sets la?np in 
window.) 

Tad. Has he brought me a drum ? 

Mrs. D. {rushes for the rattan). You go to bed, and go to 
sleep, or you'll git drummed! 

Tad {screa?ns and disappears). I be ! I be ! 

Mrs. D. There ! {Shuts chamber door.) Don't let me 
hear another word out of your mouth to-night, if you know 
what's good for yourself ! 

{As she is going Tad puts out his fist, and shakes it at her 
back. Mrs. D. sets tea-pot, toast, Q^c, on the table, and 
arranges dishes. Enter Mr. Ducklow, c, with parcels) 

Mrs. D. Oh ! did you buy ? {Replaces lamp on table) 

Mr. D. {Puts down parcels on the table, and points inter* 
rogatively at chamber door). Hey ? 

Mrs. D. Taddy ? He's abed ; though I never in my life 
had such a time gittin' him off out of the way, for he'd 
somehow got the idee that you was to bring somethin', and 
he wanted to set up and see what it was. 

Mr. D. Strange how children will ketch things some- 
times, best ye can do to prevent ! 

Mrs. D. But did ye buy ? 

Mr. D. Ye better jest take them matches, and put 'em 
out o' the way, first thing, 'fore ye forgit it. Matches are 
dangerous to have layin' round, and I rfever feel safe till 
they're safe. {Hangs ttp hat and overcoat on pegs) 

Mrs. D. {having hastily put away bunch of matches in 
tin pail on sink-shelf). Come ! what's the use of keepin' 
me in suspense ? Did ye buy? 

Mr. D. {taking down bootjack). Where did ye put 'em ? 

Mrs. D. {sharply). In the tin pail, where we always keep 
'em, of course ! 

Mr. D. Ye needn't be so cross. I asked 'cause I didn't 



8 COUPON BONDS. 

hear ye put the cover on. I don't believe ye did put the 
cover on either, an' I sha'n't be easy till ye do. 

Mrs. D. {puts on pail-cover with a sharp clatter). I hope 
ye heard that ! 

Mr. D. {looks froivningly at her, then proceeds to pull off 
boot, toe under the round of a chair, on which he leans). 
Anybody been here to-day ? 

Mrs. D. No ! {Sits down to patch Taddy's trousers.) 

Mr. D. Ye been anywheres ? 

Mrs. D. Yes ! 

Mr. D. {with excessive mildness). Where ? 

Mrs. D. No matter ! 

Mr. D. Wal, you be the most uncomf table woman to 
git along with, ever I see ! 

Mrs. D. If you can't take the trouble to answer my 
questions, I don't see why I should answer yours. Yer 
supper's ready : eat it when ye please. 

Mr. D. I was answerin' ye fast as I could. 

Mrs. D. I haven't seen any signs on't. 

Mr. D. Wal, wal ! ye don't see every thing. {Draws off 
boot j envelope containing papers falls out.) You see now. 
{Hands envelope.) 

Mrs. D. {brightening). Oh ! indeed ! is this the — do 
tell ! {Examines a paper, while Taddy peeps?) Did you 
ever ! I want to know ! But what made you carry 'em in 
your boot so ? 

Mr. D. {looks cautiously round, and speaks in a sup- 
pressed voice). To tell the truth, I was afraid o' bein' 
robbed. Ye see, it's jest like so much money ! {Arranges 
window-curtain.) 

Mrs. D. {ala?-med). Massy sakes ! 

Mr. D. This is the bond, you see ; and these little things 
is the cowpons. 

Mrs. D. Oh ! them's the cowpons, be they ? But 
what's the good of cowpons ? 

Mr. D. Every six months ye cut one off, take it to the 
bank, and draw yer interest in gold. 

Mrs. D. Beautiful ! But s'pose ye lose the bonds ? 

Mr. D. That's what I been thinkin' on ; that's what's 
made me so narvous. Every bush by the road had a robber 
behind it, and I was glad enough to git safe home at last ; 
though I don't see now how we're goin' to keep the plaguy 
things so we sha'n't feel uneasy about 'em. 



COUPON BONDS. 9 

Mrs. D. Massy sakes ! S'pose the house should ketch 
fire, or burglars should break in ? I don't wonder you was 
so partic'lar 'bout the matches. I shall be thinkin' of 
fires and burglars night and day ! Oh ! {Utters a wild 
scream as Taddy, in long nightgown, peeping at chamber 
door, loses his balance, and plunges head foremost into the 
room. Mr. and Mrs. D. show violent alarm, and clutch 
the bonds.) 

Mr. D. Thaddeus ! what you here for ? 

Tad. Don't know ! Fell. 

Mr. D. Fell ! What are you out o' yer bed for ? {Seizes 
Tad by the shoulder.) 

Tad. Didn't know I was ! 

Mr. D. Didn't know you was ! {Shakes him.) Got 
up without knowin' it ! How could that happen ? 

Tad. Don' know, 'thout 'twas I got up in my sleep. 

Mr. D. In your sleep ! {Shakes him.) 

Tad. I guess so. I was dreamin' ye brought me home 
a new drum, tucked down yer boot-leg. 

Mr. D. {aside to Mrs. D.) Strange! {To Taddy.) How 
could I bring home a drum in my boot-leg ? 

Tad. Don' know ; 'thout it's a new kind, one that'll shet 
up. Say ! did ye ? What's them things ? 

(Mrs. D. replaces bonds in envelope, and . ties a string 
around it.) 

Mr. D. Nothin' little boys know any thing about. Back 
to bed with ye, and don't ye walk in yer sleep any more to- 
night, or you'll get waked up in a way ye don't like. {Takes 
slippers from peg.) 

Tad. You've shook me 'most to pieces a'ready. {Goes, 
whimpering.) 

Mrs. D. There, there ! somebody's a-comin' ! 

{A knock. Mrs. D. hides bonds in her bosom. Tad 
retires.) 

Mr. D. Who can it be this time o' night ? 

Mrs. D. I wish, whoever it is, they'd keep away ! Go 
to the door, why don't ye ? {Sews.) 

Mr. D. {at door, a). Ah, Miss Beswick ! walk in. {Enter 
Miss Beswick, with shawl over her head.) 

Mrs. D. What, that you ! Where on airth did ye come 
from, Miss Beswick ? — Set her a chair, why don't ye, father ? 

Mr. D. {hurriedly putting on slippers). Take a seat, Miss 
Beswick. 



10 COUPON BONDS. 

Miss Beswick. Thank ye. I s'pose you'll think I'm 
wild, makin' calls at this hour. (Sits l. c.) 

Mrs. D. (aside). What under heavens can she be after ? 
— Why, no, I don't ; you're jest in time to* set up and take a 
cup o' tea with my husband. I sha'n't be jealous. Take off 
yer things, won't ye ? 

Miss B. Thank ye. I don't go visitin' to take off my 
things and drink tea this time o' night. (Slips shawl from 
her head) I've jest run over to tell ye the news. 

Mrs. D. Nothin' bad, I hope ! No robbers in town, for 
massy sake ! (Claps hand on bosom) 

Miss B. No; good news, — good for Sophrony, at any 
rate. 

Mrs. D. Ah ! she has heard from Reuben ? 

Miss B. No. 

Mr. D. (at table, a). What, then, Miss Beswick ? 

Miss B. Reuben's come home. 

Mrs. D. Home ! 

Mr. D. Come home ! When ? 

Miss B. 'Bout an hour an' a half ago. I happened to be 
in to Sophrony's. I'd jest gone over to set with her a little 
while and keep her company, as I've often done, she seems 
so lonely, livin' there with her two children, her husband 
away so. Her friends hain't been none too attentive to her 
in his absence, she thinks, an' so I think. 

Mrs. D. I hope ye don't mean that as a hint to us, Miss 
Beswick. 

Miss B. Take it as such or not, jest as ye please. You 
know best whether you've done your duty to Sophrony 
and her family, whilst her husband's been off to the war. 
You never had any boys of your own, an' so ye adopted 
Reuben, jest as you've lately adopted Thaddeus ; an' I s'pose 
you think you've done well by him. 

Mr. D. I hope no one thinks or says the contrary. 
(Eats nervously) 

Miss B. There may be two opinions on that p'int, Mr. 
Ducklow. Reuben come to you when he was jest old enough 
to be of use about the house and on the farm; and, if I recol- 
lect right, ye didn't incourage idleness in him very much ; 
no, indeed ! 

Mrs. D. Nobody can say we overworked the boy, or ill- 
used him in any way. 

Miss B. No, Mis' Ducklow. But, now you've set me 



COUPON BONDS. II 

talkin', I may as well speak out. Reuben was always a good 
boy, and a willin' boy ; and he paid his way from the fust. 

Mr. D. I don't know about that. He was a good and 
willin' boy, as you say ; but the expense of feedin' and 
clothin' on him — 

Miss B. He paid his way from the fust ! And latterly 
he was better'n any hired man to you ; for he was faithful, 
and took an interest, as I've heard you say yourself, Mr. 
Ducklow. 

Mr. D. Reuben was faithful : I never denied that ; I 
never denied that. 

Miss B. Well, he staid with you till he was twenty-one ; 
did ye a man's sarvice the last five years. Then ye give him 
what ye called a settin-out, — new suit o' clothes, yoke of oxen, 
some farm-tools, an' a hundred dollars in money. You, with 
your thousands, Mr. Ducklow, give him a hundred dollars ! 

Mr. D. That was only a beginnin', only a beginnin', I've 
always said. 

Miss B. An' I s'pose you'll continner to say it till the 
day o' yer death. Then maybe, you'll remember Reuben in 
your will. That's the way ; keep puttin' on him off, long's 
ye can possibly hold on to yer property yourself ; then, 
when ye see you've got to go and leave it, give him what 
you ought to've gi'n him years before. There ain't much 
merit in that kind o' justice : did ye know it, Mr. Ducklow ? 
He took the Moseley farm, and was doin' well ; then he 
married Sophrony, an' a good, faithful wife she's been to 
him ; and finally he concluded to buy the farm, an' you 
yourself said 'twas a good idee. 

Mr. D. So it was : Reuben used judgment in that; and 
he'd have got along well enough if it hadn't been for the war. 

Miss B. Jest so ! If't hadn't been for the war. That 
broke out, and he left to sarve his country. His business 
was as important, and his wife and children as dear to him, 
as anybody's ; but he felt it his duty to go, and he went. 
You didn't discourage his goin', nor you didn't z/zcourage 
him neither, as you'd ought to. 

Mr. D. Why ! what on airth, Miss Beswick ! Seems to 
me you've taken it upon yourself to say things that's un- 
called for, to say the least. As if I didn't know my own duty 
and intentions ! 

Mrs. D. I s'pose she's been talkin' with Sophrony, and 
she's sent her to interfere. 



12 COUPON BONDS. 

Miss B. Mis' Ducklow, you don't s'pose no such a thing. 
You know Sophrony wouldn't send anybody on such an 
arrant ; and you know I ain't a person to be made a cat's- 
paw of by her nor anybody else. I ain't handsome, not par- 
ticularly ; and I ain't wuth my thousands, like some folks 
I know ; and I never got married, for the best reason in the 
world, — them I would have didn't offer themselves, and 
them that did offer themselves I wouldn't shake a stick at; 
and I ain't so good a Christian as I might be, I'm aware. I 
know my lacks as well as anybody ; but bein' a cat's-paw 
ain't one of 'em. So, when you say you s'pose Sophrony 
sent me, I say you s'pose what ain't true, and what you 
know ain't true, Mis' Ducklow ! 

Mr. D. Why can't ye leave us to do what we think's our 
duty ? Every one ought to have that privilege. 

Miss B. You think so ? 

Mr. D. Sartin, Miss Beswick ; don't you ? 

Miss B. Why, then, I ought tahave the same. 

Mr. D. Of course ; nobody in this house '11 prevent 
your doin' what you think's your duty. 

Miss B. Thank ye ! Much obleeged ! Now, I think it's 
my duty to tell ye what I been tellin' ye, an' what I'm goin' 
to tell ye. 

Mr. D. Wal, wal, I can't hender yer talkin', I s'pose ; 
though it seems a man ought to have a right to peace and 
quiet in his own house. 

Miss B. Yes, an' in his own conscience. If you'll 
hearken to me now, I promise you'll have peace an' quiet 
in your conscience, and in your house too, as you've never 
had yet. 

Mr. D. Wal, wal ! 

Miss B. I s'pose you know your great fault, don't ye ? 
Graspin', — that's your fault, that's your besettin' sin, Mr. 
Ducklow. You used to give it as your excuse for not helpin' 
Reuben more, that you had a darter to pervide for. 

Mr. D. So we had, so we had, Miss Beswick. 

Miss B. Wal, yer darter has got married, — married a 
rich man (you looked out for that) ; an' she's pervided for, fur 
as property can pervide for any one. Now, without a child 
in the world to^feel anxious about, you keep layin' up, 
layin' up, and '11 continner to lay up, I s'pose, till ye die, 
and leave a great fortin to yer darter, and jest a pittance to 
Reuben and Thaddeus. 



COUPON BONDS. 1 3 

Mr. D. No, no, Miss Beswick : you're wrong, you're 
wrong, Miss Beswick ! I mean to do the handsome thing 
by both of 'em. 

Miss B. Mean to ! mean to ! That 's the way ye natter 
yer conscience, and cheat your own soul. Why don't ye do 
what ye mean to do at once, an' make sure on't ? I tell ye, the 
time is comin' when the recollection of havin' done a good 
action will be a greater comfort to ye than all the property 
in the world. Then you'll look back and say, " Why didn't 
I do this and do that with my money, when 'twas in my 
power, 'stid of hoardin' up, and hoardin' up for others to 
spend arter me ? " 

Mr. D. Wal, wal, Miss Beswick ! 

Miss B. As I said, ye didn't discourage Reuben goin' to 
the war, and ye didn't //zcourage him the way ye might. 
You'd ought to 've said to him, " Go, Reuben, if ye see it to 
be yer duty, and, as fur as money goes, ye sha'n't suffer for 
it ; I'll see't yer debts are paid, and yer family kep' com- 
f 'table while you're away." That's jest what ye didn't say, 
and that's jest what ye didn't do, Mr. Ducklow. All the 
time Reuben's been sarvin' his country, he's had his debts 
and his family expenses to worry him ; and it's been all 
Sophrony could do, by strainin' every narve, to keep her 
children from goin' hungry and ragged. You've helped 'em 
a little now and then, by driblets, — but then ! 

Mr. D. Wal, you've read us a perty smart lectur', I must 
say ! I can't consaive what should make ye take such an 
interest in our affairs. 

Miss B. Take an interest ! Haven't I seen Sophrony's 
struggles with her children ? Haven't I seen Reuben come 
home this very night a sick man, with a broken constitution, 
and no prospect before him but to give up his farm, lose all 
he has paid, and be throwed onto the world with his wife 
and children ? Take an interest ! I wish you took half as 
much. Here I've set half an hour, an' ye haven't thought 
to ask how Reuben appeared, nor any thing about him. 

Mr. D. Maybe there's good reason for that, Miss Bes- 
wick. 'Twas on my lips to ask half a dozen times ; but 
you've talked so fast I couldn't slip in a word edgeways. 

Miss B. Wal, I'm glad you've got some excuse, though 
a poor one. 

Mrs. D. How is Reuben ? 

Miss B. All broke to pieces, — a mere shadder of what 



14 COUPON BONDS. 

he was ! He was in the hospitals with his wound, ye know ; 
but finally the doctors seen 't his only chance was in 
bein' sent home, weak as he was. Oh, if you could have 
seen his meetin' with Sophrony, as I did ! then you wouldn't 
sneer at my takin' an interest! {Wipes her eyes with a 
corner of her apron.) It's a pity ye didn't know he was in 
town, when you was there to-day ; then you might have 
brought him over. But I s'pose you had your investments 
to look arter. Come now, Mr. Ducklow, how many thou- 
san' dollars have you invested sence Reuben's been off to 
the war, and his family has been sufferin' to home ? You 
may have been layin' up hundreds, or even thousan's, that 
way, this very day, for aught I know. {Rises.) But le' me 
tell ye, you won't git no good o' such property — it'll only 
be a cuss to ye — till ye do the right thing by Reuben. 
{Puts shawl over her head.) 

Mrs. D. Ye ain't goin', be ye, Miss Beswick ? What's 
yer hurry ? 

Miss B. No hurry, but I've done my. arrant, and said my 
say, an' may as well be goin'. Good-night. Good-night, 
Mr. Ducklow. {Exit.) 

Mrs. D. Did you ever ! 

Mr. D. She's got a tongue. 

Mrs. D. Strange she should speak of your investin' 
money to-day ! D'ye s'pose she knows ? 

Mr. D. I don't see how she can. {Walks the room in 
deep trouble.) I've been careful not to give a hint on't to 
any one, for I knew jest what folks would say : " If Duck- 
low's got so much money to dispose of, he'd better give 
Reuben a lift." I know how folks talk. 

Mrs. D. Comin' here to browbeat us ! I wonder ye 
didn't be a little more plain with her, father. I wouldn't 
have sot and been dictated to as tamely as you did. 

Mr. D. You wouldn't ? Then why did ye ? She dictat- 
ed to you as much as she did to me ; and you scurce opened 
your head ; you didn't dars' to say your soul was your own. 

Mrs. D. Yes, I did: I — 

Mr. D. You ventur'd to speak once, and she shet ye up 
quicker'n lightnin' ! Now tell about you wouldn't have sot 
and been dictated to like a tame noodle, as I did ! 

Mrs. D. I didn't say tame noodle / 

Mr. D. Yes, ye did ! 

Mrs. D. I tell ye I didn't ! 



COUPON BONDS. 1 5 

Mr. D. Ye did ! I might have answered back sharp 
enough, but I was waiting for you to speak. Men don't like 
to dispute with women. ' 

Mrs. D. That's your git-off. You was just as much 
afraid of her as I was. I never see ye so cowed in all my 
life ! 

Mr. D. Cowed ? I wasn't cowed neither ! I never see 
you lose sperit so : ye wilted down like a dish-rag ! {Tak- 
ing his boots.) 

Mrs. D. Ye haven't got to go out again to-night, have 
ye ? 

Mr. D. I'm goin' over to Reuben's. 

Mrs. D. To Reuben's ? 

Mr. D. Yes, I think I better. He and Sophrony'll 
know we heard of his gettin' home, and they're enough 
inclined a'ready to think we neglect 'em. Haven't ye got 
>» omethin' ye can send ? 

Mrs. D. I don't know. I've scurce ever been over to 
Sophrony's, but I've carried her a pie or cake or somethin' ; 
and mighty little thanks I've got for it, as it turns out. 

Mr. D. Why didn't you say that to Miss Beswick, when 
she was runnin' us so hard about never doin' any thing for 
'em? 

Mrs. D. 'Twouldn't have done no good. I know jest 
what she would say : " What's jest a pie or cake now and 
then ? " Dear me ! what have I been doin' ? Sewin' my 
apron to the seat of Taddy's pants, sure as I'm alive ! 
(Holds up the pants?) I do wish folks would mind their own 
business, and stay to home ! 

Mr. D. {putting on overcoat). You've got the bonds safe ? 

Mrs. D. Yes, and tied a string around the wrapper. But 
I won't engage to keep 'em safe. They make me terrible 
fidgety ! 

Mr. D. Don't be foolish. 

Mrs. D. I'm afraid to be left alone in the house with 
'em ! Here, take 'em ! 

Mr. D. What possible harm can happen to them or you 
while I'm away ? You don't s'pose I want to lug 'em around 
with me wherever I go, do ye ? 

Mrs. D. I don't see what under the sun we're goin' to do 
with 'em ! If we go out we can't take 'em with us for fear of 
'losin' 'em, or* of bein' robbed ; and we sha'n't dare to leave 
'em to home, fear the house'll burn up or be broke into. I 



1 6 COUPON BONDS. 

don't know but it'll be about as Miss Beswick says : we 
sha'n't take no comfort with property we ought to make over 
to Reuben. 

Mr. D. Do you think we ought to make it over to Reu- 
ben ? If ye do, it's new to me ! 

Mrs. D. I guess we better put 'em into the clock-case for 
to-night, hadn't we ? 

Mr. D. Just where they'll be discovered if the house is 
robbed ! No, I've an idee. Slip 'em under the bedroom 
carpet. Le' me take 'em. I can fix a place right here by the 
door. 

(As they are concealing the bonds, r., Taddy enters softly, 
L., on tiptoe, watching them.) 

Mrs. D. That's jest the place fer 'em ! 

Mr. D. I defy anybody to find 'em there ! What noise 
was that ? 

Mrs. D. Thaddeus ! (Taddy darts back.) Thaddeus 1 
(He sto^s.) What do you want now, you sir ? 

Tad. I want you to scratch my back. 

Mrs. D. (seizes rattan). I'll scratch your back for ye ! 
(Pursues him out by chamber door j Taddy' s screams and 
sounds of rattan are heard. Mrs. D. re-enters) He won't 
want his back scratched again for one while ! (Puts up rat- 
tan.) 

Mr. D. S'pose he see us ? 

Mrs. D. If he did, I've whipped it out of him ! Don't 
think of goin' over to Reuben's to-night. It's nine o'clock : 
they'll all be locked up and abed and asleep, like as not. 
Wait till mornin', and I'll ride over with ye. (Clears table; 
takes dishes to sink) 

Mr. D. Wal, I s'pose I must do as you say. (Takes off 
overcoat and boots) I can't help thinkin' of Miss Beswick : 
I never was so worked up in my life ! 

Mrs. D. Wal, wal, forgit it ! 

Mr. D. I feel as though I ought to've gone over to Reu- 
ben's ; and I should have gone if 't hadn't been for you. 

Mrs. D. Now, how unreasonable to blame me ! I only 
reminded you how late it was. 

Mr. D. I s'pose I may as well go to bed, but I don't 
believe I shall sleep a wink. (Lays coat and vest on chair ; 
locks the door ; winds the clock) 

Mrs. D. / shall sleep with a clear conscience. Miss 
Beswick can't make me lose a wink o' sleep. Did ye lock 
the door ? 



COUPON BONDS. 17 

Mr. D. Ye don't think I'd neglect that, with cowpon 
bonds in the house, do ye ? {Retires to bedroom?) 

Mrs. D. Can't be too careful. {Tries the lock?) I'll leave 
the dishes till mornin'. {Tries window fastening?) Massy 
sakes alive ! 

Mr. D. {puts his head out of the bedroom, with nightcap 
on). What, mother ? 

Mrs. D. You didn't pull the curtain clear down on this 
side ; and anybody might have looked in, and seen us put 
— you know what. — under the — you know. 

Mr. D. Nonsense ! Don't be so foolish. Come to bed. 
{Withdraws?) 

Mrs. D. I should 'a' thought you'd been more careful 
about the curtain ! {Exit R. with lamp. Stage darkened.) 

(Mr. D. re-enters, in nightgowfi over pants and stock- 
ings.) 

Mr. D. Like as not, when she tried to lock the door after 
me, she w;?locked it. {Gropes his way to door; tries lock; 
then tries window-fastenings.) These cowpon bonds make 
me dre'ful skittish somehow ! 

Mrs. D. {sharply, from bedroom). Why don't ye come to 
bed? 

Mr. D. Wal, wal ! {Withdraws?) 

{Sound of voices without; they grow loud and distinct?) 

Mrs. D. You did ! 

Mr. D. I didn't ! 

Mrs. D. I say you did ! 

Mr. D. Wal, wal ! No use disputin'. What's the mat- 
ter now ? 

Mrs. D. Hush ! {Enters r. ; nightcap on her head, 
shawl over her shoulders, petticoat and stockings visible. 
Pauses to listen?) 

Mr. D. {shows his head). What did ye hear ? 

Mrs. D. Hush ! I thought as much as could be I heard 
somebody gettin' into the winder ! . 

Mr. D. That's all your narvousness ! Why can't ye 
come to bed and be quiet ? {Withdraivs.) 

Mrs. D. I never in my life heard the floors creak so ! 
Seems as though there was somebody in the house. {With- 
draws?) 

Mr. D. {re-appears, smiffing). 

Mrs. D. {shows her head). What's the matter now ? 

Mr. D. {snuffs). Don't you smell somethin' ? 



1 8 COUPON BONDS. 

* 

Mrs. D. {snuffs). Why, no — yes — I do' know ! {They 
both snuffs 

Mr. D. Somethin' burnin' ! 

Mrs. D. Can't be the matches, can it .? {Both snuff) 

Mr. D. I thought of the matches. Good heavens ! 

Mrs. D. Why ! what, father ? 

Mr. D. Taddy's been walkin' in his sleep again, found 
the matches, and sot the house afire ! 

Mrs. D. Massy sakes ! No ! here's the matches all 
safe. It's all your imagination, father. 

Mr. D. My imagination ! You was jest as frightened as 
I was. I smelt somethin', sartin ! though I can't smell it 
now {snuffs), not quite so distinck. 

Mrs. D. I'm sure I wa'n't a bit frightened ! But I 
thought I heard somebody in the house once. I wish you'd 
jest put your hand down, and see if — you know what — is 
still there. 

Mr. D. There ? of course it is. {Feels for the bonds.) 
Good gracious ! 

Mrs. D. They ain't gone, be they ? 

Mr. D. Sure as the world ! No, here they be ! I didn't 
feel in the right place. 

Mrs. D. How you did frighten me ! My heart almost 
jumped out of my mouth ! You're so plaguy narvous, I 
won't sleep with ye, but jest lop down on the lounge as I be ! 
{Withdraws) 

Mr. D. Wal, wal ! If I'm any more narvous'n you be, 
I'm to be pitied ! {Withdraws) 

{Silence. Dark stage. A snore from Mr. D. Presently 
Mrs. D. re-appears, groping cautiously) 

Mrs. D. How he can sleep, I don't see ! I'm sure I 
heard somebody breakin' into the door this time. {Gropes) 

Mr. D. {re-appears). Somethin' woke me ! {Listens) 
How she can sleep there on that lounge so, when the house 
is full of noises, I can't consaive ! I'm sure I heard the 
door. 

{Both grope, and finally, coming together, utter screams of 
terror, when the curtain falls) 



ACT II. 

Scene. — Sitting- Room in Reuben's House. 

Table in rear, R. Sofa, l., towards front of stage. Enter 
Ferring and Jepworth, r., conversing. 

Ferring. War's a humbug, war's a humbug, Neighbor 
Jepworth ! {Puts hat on table?) 

Jepworth. The war is to save the country. {Places hat 
on table?) 

Fer. Country's ruined, country's ruined, Neighbor Jep- 
worth ! We have no country. 

Jep. Unless the Rebellion can be put down. 

Fer. Can't be put down, can't be put down, Neighbor 
Jepworth ! What's the use of our young men throwing 
away their lives in this way ? Look at Reuben ! lost his 
health, lost his farm, — fine a young fellow as ever was, — 
have to go to the poorhouse ! 

Jep. His friends won't allow that. 

Fer. Who are his friends ? 

Jep. Why, there's Ducklow. 

Fer. {snaps his fingers). So much for Ducklow ! Reu- 
ben's adopted father pretends to be a Union man ; but 
what's he done for the Union or for Reuben ? Both'll go to 
ruin for all he'll ever do to save 'em ! 

Jep. Here's Reuben now. Poor fellow ! {Exit L.) 

Fer. I've great respect for Reuben ; but the war's a 
humbug, war's a humbug, Neighbor Jepworth ! {Follows 
Jepworth out. Eiiter R., Mr. Ducklow in overcoat and 
hat, and Mrs. Ducklow in cloak, bonnet, &*c.) 

Mr. D. I thought we was goin' to be here the fust ones ; 
show our good-will to Reuben by comin' airly ; but I believe 
some of the neighbors are here before us. Now, there'll 
be remarks about that ! {Places hat on floor at end of 'sofa?) 

Mrs. D. I had a glimpse of Miss Beswick at the winder ! 

*9 



20 COUPON BONDS. 

Mr. D. She agin ! 

Mrs. D. I've as good a notion to turn round and go 
straight home as ever I had to eat. ( Takes off bonnet^ 

Mr. D. We might have got off sooner, if you hadn't 
been so late about breakfast. 

Mrs. D. I late ! 'Twas you that overslep' yourself. 

Mr. D. No wonder if I did drowse a little this mornin', 
after you'd kep' me awake half the night with your narvous- 
ness. 

Mrs. D. My narvousness ! {Takes off cloak.) 

Mr. D. No use bein' so foolish. We might live in the 
house a hundred years, and not hear of a robber or a fire. 
Ye only excite yerself, and keep me awake. 

Mrs. D. {smoothing her hair). I should like to know if you 
didn't git jest as excited as I did, and rob me of my sleep 
jest as much as I did you ! 

Mr. D. Wal, wal ! We must find Reuben. Why, here 
he comes ! {Enter L., Reuben, his right arin in a sling, 
Sophronia supporting him, Miss Beswick, Ferring, and 
Jepworth.) 

Mrs. D. Dear me ! how pale ! 

Mr. D. Wal, Reuben ! glad to see ye, glad to see ye ! 
{Shakes Reuben's left hand.) This is a joyful day I scurce 
ever expected to see ! Why, ye don't look so sick as I 
thought ye would ! — Does he, mother ? 

Mrs. D. I'd no idee he could be so very, so very pale 
and thin ! {Uses handkerchief.) Had you, Sophrony ? 

Sophronia. I don't know what I thought : I only know 
I have him now. He has come home ! He shall never 
leave me again, never, never ! 

(Sophronia and Miss Beswick carefully place Reuben 
in a reclini?ig poshire on the sofa, Ducklow shakes hands 
with Ferring and Jepworth in the background, then 
talks with Reuben. Ferring assumes argumeiitative 
attitude towards Jepworth.) 

Mrs. D. {to Sophronia). Wasn't it terrible to see him 
brought home so ? 

Soph. Oh, yes ! But I was so thankful ! I felt the 
worst was over, and I had him again. He is no longer 
hundreds of miles away, among strangers, where I cannot 
go to- him ; though I should have gone long ago, as you 
know, if I could have raised the means, and if it hadn't been 
for the children, 



COUPON BONDS. 21 

Mrs. D. Mr. Ducklow would have — tried — to help 
you to the means, and I would have taken the children, if 
we had thought it best for you to go. But you see now it 
wasn't best, don't you ? 

SOPH. Whether it was or not, I don't complain. I'm too 
happy to-day to complain of any thing. Only I've dreamt 
so often of his coming home, and woke to find it was all a 
dream, I'm half afraid to be as happy as I might be. 

Reuben {sitting up). Be as happy as you please, So- 
phrony ! I'm just where I want to be, of all places in this 
world ; or the next world, I may say, for that matter, for I 
can't conceive of any greater heaven than I'm in now. I'm 
going to get well, in spite of the doctors. Coming home is 
the best medicine for a fellow in my condition, — not bad to 
take, either. To think that's my boy, my Ruby, Pa Duck- 
low ! Why, he was a mere baby when I went away I 

Soph. Reuben, Reuben ! you're talking too much. You 
promised me you wouldn't, you know. 

Reub. Well, well, I won't. But, when a fellow's heart 
is chock-full, it's hard to shut down on it sometimes. Don't 
look so, friends, as if you pitied me. I ain't to be pitied. 
I bet there isn't one of you half so happy as I am at this 
minute.. 

Soph. Here's Miss Beswick, Mother Ducklow : haven't 
you noticed her ? 

Mrs. D. Oh ! how d'ye do, Miss Beswick ? 

Miss Beswick {who has been dusting and arranging 
things in the room). Tryin' to keep out of the way, and 
make myself useful. {Exit.) 

Soph. I don't know what I should do without her. She 
took right hold and helped me last night ; then she came in, 
the first thing, this morning. " Go right to your husband ; 
don't leave him for a minute," says she : " I'll tend to the 
work. There'll be plenty of folks coming in to hinder ; but 
I come in to help," says she. There's no use opposin' her : 
that you know, Mother Ducklow. 

Mrs. D. Yes, she likes to have her own way about 
things : I've found that out ! 

Soph. It seems she tailed at the door last night to tell 
you Reuben had come home. 

Mrs. D. Called at the door ! Didn't she tell you she 
stopped and made us a visit ? 

Soph. No, indeed ! Did she ? 



22 COUPON BONDS. 

Mrs. D. {aside). I guess I hadn't better, say much about 
that ! Oh, yes ! a visit, for her; she ain't no great hand to 
make long stops, you know. 

Soph. Only where she's needed. Then she never thinks 
of going, as long as she sees any thing to do. Reuben, 
Reuben ! you mustn't talk, Reuben. 

Jep. I was saying, it'll be too bad now if you have to give 
up this place ; but he — 

Soph. We are not going to be worried about that. We 
have all we can think of and attend to to-day; and the 
future will take care of itself. 

Mr. D. That's right; that's the way to talk. Provi- 
dence'll take care of ye, ye may be sure. 

Fer. I should think you might get Ditson to renew the 
mortgage. He can't be hard on you, under the circum- 
stances. And he can't want the* money. There's no secu- 
rity like real estate, nothing like real estate. If I had 
money to invest, I wouldn't put it into any thing else. 

Mr. D. Nor I ! Nothing like real estate. 

Jep. What do you think of Government bonds, Duck- 
low? 

Mr. D. Wal, I don't know. It may be a patriotic duty 
to lend to Gov'ment, if one has the funds to spare. Wish I 
had! 

Fer. No use, no use ! Country's ruined ! Country's 
ruined ! 

Jep. Ruined, perhaps, — unless we lend money to the 
Government to carry on the war. 

Reub. What do you think of us, Mr. Ferring, who have 
gone into the war, and been willing to risk every thing, not 
only our business and our property, but life and limb ? I've 
ruined myself personally, lost my property and my health, 
to be of service to my country \ and I don't regret it. I'm 
a tolerably patient, philosophical fellow. But I haven't pa- 
tience and philosophy enough to sit quiet and hear men cry 
out, The country 's ruined! '.while they stop at home and don't 
do the first thing, — not even lend their . money, — ; to help 
save the country. 

Mr. D. Good for you, Reuben ! — {Aside) Seems I've 
only done my duty to the Gov'ment, let Miss Beswick say 
what she will.— You put the case so strong, Reuben, I re'ly 
believe, if I had funds to spare, I shouldn't hesitate a min- 
ute, but go right off and invest in cowpon bonds. 



COUPON EONDS. 23 

Fer. 'Twould be the worst investment ye could make, — ■ 
the very worst ! 

Mr. D. Think so ? 

Fer. I know so. Government will repudiate. It will 
have to repudiate. This enormous debt they're piling up 
never .can be paid. 

Mr. D. I — I don't — I can't think that ! 

Fer. Your interest in gold is a temptation just now ; but 
that won't be paid much longer ; then {snaps his fingers) that 
for your bonds ! 

Mr. D. That's your way of looking at it. I — I don't 
believe I should be frightened,' even if I had cowpon bonds 
on my hands. I wish I had; I re'ly wish I had a lot o' 
them bonds ! Don't you, Jepworth ? 

Jep. They're mighty risky things to have in the house. 

Fer. That's so ! I read in the papers almost every day 
of somebody losing his coupon bonds. One man carried 
his in his boot — walked farther than he intended — bond all 
wore up to little chips of paper — his thousand dollars gone ! 
Another thought he would hide his in the sitting-room stove, 
— summer time — didn't think of anybody making a fire — 
cold storm — wife had company — started a little fire to take 
off the chill of the room, and dry their clothes — husband 
came home — found his three thousand dollars all smoke and 
ashes ! Another man hid his bonds where robbers couldn't 
find 'em — house took fire when he was away — folks saved 
every thing but the bonds, which they couldn't find — his 
money gone to the old scratch ! 

Mrs. D. Massy sakes ! 

Mr. D. I hope Taddy won't play with the matches ! I 
charged him not to. 

Mrs. D. So did I ; but he's always sure to do the very 
thing he's told not to ! 

Reub. There's this thing to be considered in favor of 
fires, — if your bonds burn up, they won't have to be paid ; 
so what's your loss is the country's gain. 

Mr. D. Yes ! that is — that is — a consolation ! — {Aside) 
I'm terrible consarned about Taddy ! {Withdraws, r.) 

Jep. One would think Ducklow had some of them bonds, 
he looked so anxious all at once. He has, hasn't he, Mrs. 
Ducklow ? 

Mrs. D. Has what ? 

Jep. Some of them cowpon bonds ? I ruther guess he's 
got some. 



24 COUPON BONDS. 

Mrs. D. You mean Gov'ment bonds ? My husband got 
some ? 'Tain't at all likely he'd invest in 'em without .savin* 
somethin' to me about it. No, he couldn't have any without 
my knowin' it, I'm sure. 

Fer. And of course he wouldn't be buyin' bonds, when 
here's Reuben's house to be sold over his head for want of a 
thousand or two dollars. 

Mrs. D. Of course he wouldn't. {Re-enter Ducklow, 
excitedly.) 

Mr. D. There's a smoke in the direction of my house ! 
{Seizes hat froin table!) 

Mrs. D. Oh, that Taddy ! 

Mr. D. He's set the house afire! 

Fer. You've got my hat, neighbor ! 

Mr. D. Have I ? {Seizes another!) Fire, fire ! 

Jep. That's my hat, I believe ! 

Mr. D. Where in creation is my hat ? {Claps Jep- 
worth's hat on his head, and snatches up Ferring's hat 
again!) Heavens and airth ! {Finds his own hat, and sets 
off with it in his hand; drops Ferring's.) Fire ! fire ! fire ! 
{Rushes offR. Ferring and Jep worth run to recover their 
hats. Commotion. Quick curtain!) 



ACT III. 

Scene. — Roadside before Ducklow's Farm-house.* 

Enter Taddy, l., with sticks for kite-frame, whittling. 

Taddy. If I can't have a drum, I'll have a kite. Gay, I 
tell ye ! {Crosses sticks.) Jerushy ! won't she be a buster ! 
(Holds up frame, and runs with it. Distafit cries.) Hullo ! 
what's that yellin' ? Fire ! Oh, good ! Hurrah for some 
fun ! (As he is rushing off, R., Mr. Ducklow rushes on, 
meeting him.) 

Mr. D. Thaddeus ! where ye goin' ? 

Tad. Goin' to the fire ! 

Mr. D. There ain't any fire, boy ! 

Tad. Yes, there is ; don't ye hear 'em ? they've been 
yellin' like fury ! 

Mr. D. Stop, I tell ye! It's. all over; only the plaguy 
rogues have got to yellin', and they won't stop. 'Twas 
nothin' but Jepworth's brush-heap a-burnin'. 

Tad. That all ? I thought there was goin' to be some 
fun ! I wonder who was such a darned fool as to yell fire 
for nothin' but an old brush-heap ! 

Mr. D. Wal, wal ! hold your tongue, boy ! you don't 
know what you're talkin' about. I've got to drive over to 
town : you go and stand by the mare, while I brush my hat. 
(Aside.) I believe I got my own hat at last. (Looks at hat.) 
Though I can't tell by the looks : I lost it off on the road, 
and drove the wagon-wheel over it. 

Tad. Why didn't Ma Ducklow come home with ye ? 

Mr. D. I come off in somethin' of a hurry. 

Tad. What was yer hurry ? 

Mr. D. Little boys shouldn't ask so many questions. 
(Enters house) 

* Where there is a scarcity of scenery, this act can easily be arranged to be 
played inside the Ducklow house. 



2 6 COUPON BONDS. 

Tad. {whittles). I'll have a string two miles long, and 
let my kite up so high they can't see it. I'll beat Dick 
Atkins's kite all holler ! {Crosses sticks.) 
(Ducklow re-appears.) 
. Mr. D. Heavens an' airth ! Taddy ! 

Tad. {guiltily). What? 

Mr. D. What have you been doin' to the carpet ? {Seizes 
him.) 

Tad. Nothin'. 'Twa'n't me. 

Mr. D. {shakes him) Don't tell me 'twa'n't you ! 

Tad. I only jest pulled it up a little. 

Mr. D. Pulled it up a little ! What did you pull it up 
for? 

Tad. Lost a marble ! 

Mr. D. Lost a marble ! Ye didn't lose it under the 
carpet, did ye ? 

Tad. Didn't know but it might 'a' got under : marbles 
roll so. 

Mr. D. And didn't you take any thing out ? 

Tad. No ! 

Mr. D. If I find you did, I'll take a rope's end to you ! 
{Re-enters house) 

Tad. He'll kill me ! Oh-h-h ! I wish the house had 
burnt up. I'll tell him 'twas Dick Atkins. (Ducklow 
re-appears, putting envelope into his breast-pocket) 

Mr. D. Lucky for you, sir, you didn't do any more mis- 
chief ! Don't you touch the carpet again if you lose a 
million marbles. 

Tad, Hain't got a million. Won't ye buy me some 
to-day ? Say ! won't ye buy me some marbles ? 

Mr. D. Go and stand by the mare, and don't ye leave 
her till I come, or I'll marble ye ! 

Tad. Wish I had some ! {Going) 

Mr. D. What in thunderation to do with these 'ere bonds 
I don't know! I don't dare to leave 'em in the house; I 
don't dare to carry 'em with me ; they're the plague of my 
life. I know ! I'll ask 'em to keep 'em for me to the bank, 
lock 'em up in their safe. {Going) 

Tad. There's somethin' losin' out of your pocket. 

Mr. D. {in consternation, claps hand to his breast). Where, 
you villain ? 

Tad. Yer side-pocket ; it's one of your mittens. 

Mr. D. I'll mitten ye! {Pursues Taddy out, R. Sounds 



COUPON BONDS. 27 

as of boxed ears and Taddy's screams are heard. Taddy 
re-enters?) 

Tad. (grinnifig). Didn't hurt me ! {Scowls, turns, and 
shakes his fist.) Old fool ! I will have a kite now, darn 
him ! ( Whittles?) He didn't find out ! Guess, when he 
does, .he'll wish he'd bought me the drum. (Crosses sticks.) 
Hullo, Dick ! (Enter Dick Atkins, with ju%, l.) 

Dick. Hullo, Tad ! 

Tad. Where ye goin' with yer jug ? 

Dick. Over to the grocery to git some molasses. 

Tad. Oh goody-good ! Come back this way, and give 
us a lick ! 

Dick. Guess the folks'll give me a lick if I do ! 

Tad. They won't know it. Ain't there some left in the 
jug now ? Oh, give me a suck o' that stopple ! 

Dick. Git out ! What ye makin' ? 

Tad. Frame for a kite. Here ! you let them sticks 
alone ! 

Dick (sets down jug, and snatches sticks). Le' me look at 
'em, I tell ye ! What ye 'f raid of ? 
m Tad. You'll break 'em. 

" Dick. No I won't break 'em, nuther ! That ain't the 
way to make a kite. 

Tad. (takes stopple out of pig, and sucks it). That's all 
you know about it. 

Dick. Ye ought to nave another stick, and cross 'em so. 
(Crosses sticks) 

Tad. What does a feller want of a hundred sticks ? 
(Sits down, with jug between his knees j puts finger in, and 
sucks it.) 

Dick. What ye goin' to cover it with ? 

Tad. Oh, I got a cover ! Good deal better'n that news- 
paper you give me. It's goin' to be the bulliest kite ever you 
set eyes on ! Fancy ! (Sucks finger?) 

Dick. Le' me see yer cover. 

Tad. You'll tell! 

Dick. No, I won't. Here ! keep out of that jug ! 

Tad. I ain't in the jug ! 

Dick. You was ! I seen ye ! (Takes jug.) Give me 
that stopple ! You been suckin' it ! 

Tad. There wa'n't no suck to it. Take yer darned old 
stopple ! 

Dick. I've a good notion to stick it down your throat ! 



2& COUPON BONDS. 

Come, show me yer kite-cover ; mabby I'll trade with ye for 
it. Hey? Look a' that! (Shows handful of marbles.) See 
that agate? See them bull's-eyes? hey? Don't you wish 
you had some ? 

Tad. Oh, le' me look ! 

Dick. No, sir-ee, bob ! (Pockets marbles?) Not without 
you'll show me your kite-cover. 

Tad. You promise not to tell ? 

Dick. Course I won't tell ! 

Tad. I've got it hid. Pa Ducklow'll wring my neck if he 
finds out! 

Dick. Better trade, then. (Exeunt, l.) 

(Enter Rev. Mr. Grantley,* r. Knocks at door.) 

Mr. G. Folks gone from home, I wonder? (Knocks.) 
Door wasn't locked ! (Opens, and looks in; knocks again. 
Enter Taddy, l.) Ah, Thaddeus, my boy ! Where's your 
Pa Ducklow? 

Tad (all in a breath). Gone to town won't be back till 
night give me a ride ? 

Mr. G. Is your Ma Ducklow at home ? 

Tad. She's gone over to Reub's got home last night say- 
may I ride ? 

Mr. G. Why, yes, my boy ; you may ride a little way, if 
you'll run right back home when I set you down. 

Tad. Course I will ! (Aside) JDick's comin' back this 
way with the molasses, and's goin' to trade with me, and give 
me a lick ! (Licks his chops, and exit with Mr. G., l. En- 
ter Mrs. Ducklow, r.) 

Mrs. D. (out of breath). Who's that in the shay, I'd like 
to know ? I hope Taddy's to home, to keep the house all 
right. Strange father should be so foolish as to think it was 
burnin' up ! He does beat all the narvous and excitable men 
't ever I see ! The door open! Thaddeus! Thad-de-?^/ 
(Calling.) Where under the sun can that boy be ? (Enters 
house, "but presently re-appears, greatly excited) Murder ! 
murder ! stop thief ! stop thief ! Carpet pulled up — bonds 
gone — the man in the shay! Thad-de-US ! Murder! 
murder ! 

(Enter Jepworth, r.) 



* Where it is possible, as on the stage of a large theatre, the old minis- 
ter should drive on in an old-fashioned chaise, get out, and hitch his horse 
with a weight, saying, " Whoa ! Be still now ! " &c. 



COUPON BONDS.- 2g 

Jep. What's the matter, Mrs. Ducklow? 

Mrs. D. The man in the shay ! 

Jep. What's the man in the shay done ? 

Mrs. D. Robbed ! 

Jep. Who has he robbed? 

Mrs. D. Murdered! 

Jep. Who has he murdered ? 

Mrs. D. Thaddeus, I'm afraid! He's robbed the 
house ! Ketch it ! Ketch the shay ! 

Jep. I'll overhaul him ! (Exit,!,.) 

Mrs. D. Good Mr. Jepworth ! I wouldn't have believed 
he could run so ! I've no more power to move than as if I 
weighed a ton ! He must have killed Taddy, and flung him 
into the well ! He's stopped the shay ! it's turnin' round ! 
Jepworth's bringin' on him back ! I must git somethin' to 
defend myself ! {Goes into the house, and comes out with a 
broo?n, which she brandishes.) Stop, you thief ! don't you 
come near me ! What have you done with Thaddeus ? what 
have you done with them things you found under the carpet? 
{Enter l. Mr. Grantley, with Taddy * behind him; then 
Jepworth, laughing.) 

Jep. Here's your robber, Mrs. Ducklow. 

Mrs. D. Mr. Grantley ! our minister ! 

Mr. G. What's the trouble, Sister Ducklow ? Mr. Jep- 
worth says I've robbed you. 

Mrs. D. No, no ! not you ! You wouldn't do such a 
thing ! But didn't you stop to our house ? Have you seen 
our Thaddeus ? » 

Tad. {from behind Mr. G.). Here I be, Ma Ducklow! 

Mrs. D. Taddy ! Taddy ! how come the carpet pulled 
up? 

Tad. I pulled it up, a-huntin' fer a marble. 

Mrs. D. And the thing tied up in a yaller wrapper? 

Tad. Pa Ducklow took it. 

Mrs. D. Ye sure ? 

Tad. Yes, I seen him. Put it in his pocket. 

Mrs. D. Oh, dear ! I never was so beat ! Mr. Grantley 
— I hope — excuse me — I've had such a scare I didn't 
know what I was about ! — Taddy, you notty boy ! What 
did you leave the house for ? I told you ! {Seizes him.) 

Mr. G. It was partly my fault, Sister Ducklow. I told 

* In the chaise if possible. 



30 COUPON BONDS. 

him he might ride a little way. I'm glad no worse thing has 
happened. Good-morning. {Exit, smiling) 

Mrs. D. I never was so mortified in my life. I'm much 
obleeged to ye, Mr. Jepworth ; but, when ye see 'twas the 
minister in the shay, I should thought you'd have knowed 
'twas a mistake. 

Jep. Yes ; but I thought he had better bring Taddy back, 
then you could see with your own eyes. What did you 
think you had lost ? 

Mrs. D. Oh ! nothing of any consequence — particularly — 
only I didn't know what a stranger might not have taken. 
Very much obleeged to ye ! 

Jep. Not at all. {Exit.) 

Mrs. D. Now, ye sir ! 

Tad. O Ma Ducklow, don't lick me ! don't lick me ! Pa 
Ducklow gave me an awful thrashin' for pullin' up the car- 
pet, and I promised never to do so agin. 

Mrs. D. There he comes now ! Go and take the hoss. 
{Exit Taddy, running, r.) He might 'a' knowed how scared 
I'd be to find the carpet pulled up, and the bonds gone. 
{Enter Ducklow, r.) Did ye take 'em? you know — the 
bonds ? 

Mr. D. Sartin I did. 

Mrs. D. Didn't ye think how frightened I'd be ? 

Mr. D. Why, I thought you'd stay to Reuben's till I 
went back for ye. 

Mrs. D. Stay there all day, after you'd give me such a 
start, with yer alarm of fire ! That foolish alarm ! How 
could you be so childish ? 

Mr. D. Wal, wal ! 

Mrs. D. Have you got 'em now ? 

Mr. D. Don't be so eager ! Guess I can take care of 
'em. I thought the best thing to do with 'em was to leave 
'em in the bank, for safe keepin' ; so I went to the cashier, 
and he said he'd lock 'em -up in their safe till called for. 
But he said he wouldn't be responsible for em' case of acci- 
dents. 

Mrs. D. And you left 'em with him after that! How 
could you be so careless ? 

Mr. D. Wal, I thought they'd be safer there. 

Mrs. D. They give ye a receipt for 'qm, of course ? 

Mr. D. No, they didn't. 

Mrs. D. Pa Ducklow ! 



COUPON BONDS. 3 1 

Mr. D Wal, wal ! Hear me through. As I was waitin' 
in the store, after that, I ketched up a newspaper, and read, 
" Bank robbery / Bo/ids stolen / " 

Mrs. D. Not your bank ! not your bonds ! 

Mr. D. No, no, course not ! But it made me think o' 
my bonds. So I rushed back there, and told the cashier I 
guessed I wouldn't trouble him to keep 'em. 

Mrs. D. And he give 'em to ye ? 

Mr. D. Sartin. Wrapper tied up jest as I give it to him. 
I put some pins in my pocket to keep it from losin' out. 
(Takes out pins; Mrs. D. assists hint.) 

Mrs. D. Wal, you was careful for once ! 

Mr. D. For once ? Ain't I always careful ? There's 
yer wrapper. 

Mrs. D. How do you know it hain't been untied ? 

Mr. D. 'Tain't at all likely he'd untie it. 

Mrs. D. What ye goin' to do with 'em now ? I 'most 
wish you'd left 'em to the bank. 

Mr. D. Wal, you are the most inconsistent woman ever I 
see ! 

Mrs. D. Inconsistent ! I don't know what better you 
can do with 'em. 

Mr. D. I'll tell ye. I see Josiah over to the village. 

Mrs. D. Our son-in-law ? 

Mr. D. Yes. I got talkin' with him, and led the subject 
to Gov'ment bonds. "What do you think of them for an 
investment ? " says I. " The very best ! " says he. " So I 
thought," says I. " But how 'bout them air cowpon bonds ? 
Ain't they ruther ticklish property to have in the house ? " 
says I. 

Mrs. D. I want to know if you asked him that ! 

Mr. D. " Wal, I don't know," says he. " Think how 
many years you keep old bills and documents, and never 
think of losin' 'em. Ain't* a mite more danger with the 
bonds, as I see," says he. " I shouldn't want to carry 'em 
round with me to a very great amount, — though I did once 
carry three thousand-dollar bonds in my pocket once for a 
week," says he. " Curi's ! " says I. " I've got three thou- 
sand-dollar bonds in my pocket now ! " 

Mrs. D. Did you tell him that ! What did he say ? 

Mr. D. All he said was, " It's good property." " Seems 
to me, though," says I, "if I had a safe, as you've got, 
I should keep my bonds in it." He said he did gene- 



32 COUPON BONDS. 

rally, but he was travellin' that week. " Suppose," says I, 
"you keep my bonds with yours, in your safe," says I : "I 
shall feel easier." 

Mrs. D. Did you say that ? And what did he say ? 

Mr. D. Said " All right," they'd be safe, bring 'em over ; 
but I'd better cut off the May cowpons fust. I'm gpin' to do 
it now, and take the bonds right over.'- 

Mrs. D. Why, that will be best, after all. 

Mr. D. Got your scissors ? (Mrs. D. takes scissors from 
ker pocket. Mr. D. takes from the envelope an old news- 
paper. Taddy peeps in, r., frightened^) 

Mrs. D. Massy sakes, father ! what ye got there ! 

Mr. D. " Sunday Visitor ! " Heavens an' airth ! 
{Curtain^ 



ACT IV. 

Scene. — Same as Act II. 

Enter, l., Ferring and Reuben, conversing. 

Ferring. I don't believe in the war, Reuben, but I do 
believe in you. I give up the Union, but I don't give you 
up. 

Reuben. I don't see but you may as well give me up 
too. I was full of hope and thankfulness when I first got 
home ; but now I'm beginning to see how blue things look. 
I don't imagine I shall be able to do any work to speak of 
this season, with my broken health and this wounded arm. 
Every thing's behind-hand, with the payments on the mort- 
gage. 

Fer. We'll get up a subscription-paper for you. War's 
a humbug, war's a perfect humbug, as I've always said ; but 
there's no humbug about you, — no humbug about you, 
Reuben ! I'll head the subscription ; everybody '11 give, - — 
everybody, — even Ducklow ! ha, ha ! 

Reub. I can't bear to be an object of charity. Poor 
Sophrony ! 

Fer. No charity at all. It's what society owes to you. 
You've been fighting for the country, — a mistaken notion : 
we've no country worth fighting for ; but you are honest in 
it, — and society owes it to you, not to see you suffer. 

Reub. But to have a subscription-paper go round ! I 
can't allow it. 

Fer. Ducklow's the man that ought not to allow it. It'll 
be a shame to him ; no shame at all to you, Reuben. I've 
talked with Miss Beswick. She'll circulate it among her 
friends. I'll circulate it among mine. Mine don't believe in 
the war, won't do any thing to fight the South ; but they'll 
do something for you. 

Reub. It will be a great humiliation. I don't know 

33 



34 COUPON BONDS. 

what to say. Come and talk with Sophrony. I can't agree 
to any thing without her consent. 

Fer. That's right, that's right. Husband and wife 
should be agreed. I'm a union man in that sense. That's 
the kind of union /believe in. {They go out, L. Enter, R., 
Mr. Ducklow in hat and s?nock 'frock, and Mrs. Ducklow 
in cloak and bonnet^ 

Mr. D. If we'd only given the three thousand dollars to 
Reuben, 'twould have jest set him up, and been some com- 
pensation for his sufferin's and losses goin' to the war. 

Mrs. D. Wal, I had no objection. I always thought he 
ought to have the money eventooally. As Miss Beswick 
said, no doubt it would be ten times the comfort to him now 
it would be a number o' years from now. But you didn't 
seem willin'. 

Mr. D. I don't know. 'Twas you that wasn't willin'. 

Mrs. D. Why, now, father ! 

Mr. D. Wal, wal ! No use talkin'. I hain't the least 
idee we shall ever see the color of them bonds agin. I 
never see Taddy stick any thing out so. If we took " The 
Sunday Visitor," or had a copy in the house, I should think 
he might be the rogue, spite of his denial. 

Mrs. D. I hain't the least idee 't he touched 'em. He 
don't know the vally of cowpon bonds : what should he 
want of 'em ? They was stole out of the wrapper to the 
bank : take my word for't. 

Mr. D. Your word for't ! what's that good for ? If they 
was stole to the bank, we can't prove any thing. 

Mrs. D. That's jest the trouble. It does seem strange 
to me that you shouldn't have had no more gumption than 
to trust bonds to strangers, when they told you in so many 
words they wouldn't be responsible. 

Mr. D.- Wal, wal ! If you've flung that in my teeth 
once, you have fifty times. 

Mrs. D. I don't see how we're goin' to work to find 'em 
now without makin' inquiries ; and we can't make inquiries 
without lettin' it be known't we've bought. 

Mr. D. That's the wust on't ! — after all our pains to 
keep it secret. Oh, dear ! I wish the pesky cowpon bonds 
had never been invented. 

Mrs. D. The only way'll be to tell Reuben's folks on't 
fust ; let them know the investment was made in his inter- 
est, spite of appearances. Here's Reuben now! {Enter 
Reuben and Sophronia, l.) 



COUPON BONDS. 35 

Mr. D. How are you gittin' along, Reuben ? 

Reuben. I'm doing well enough. 

Mr. D. Glad to hear it, glad to hear it. 

Reub. {sitting down wearily on the sofa). It isn't pleas- 
ant to think it may be months before I'm able to be about 
my business. But I could stand that. I could stand any 
thing but to see her working her life out for me and the 
children — to no purpose, either : that's the worst of it. 
The place '11 have to go. 

Soph. Oh, Reuben ! why won't you stop worrying about 
that ? Do try to have more faith ! 

Reub. If I had three thousand dollars, — yes, or even 
two, — I'd have faith. Ferring and Miss Beswick propose 
to send a subscription-paper around for my benefit. It 
wouldn't succeed, I know. We should only have the shame, 
without any benefit from it. You needn't groan so, Pa 
Ducklow, — you needn't look so solemn, Ma Ducklow, — 
for I'm not hinting at you. I don't expect you to help me 
out of my trouble. If you'd felt called upon to do it, you'd 
have done it before now ; and I don't ask, I don't beg of 
any man. 

Mr. D. That's right ; I like yer sperit, Reuben. I was 
groanin' to think of somefhin', — somethin' you don't know 
nothin' about, Reuben. 

Mrs. D. Yes, Reuben, we should have helped you, and 
did — did take steps toward it. (Sighs.) 

Mr. D. In fact, you've met with a great misfortin', Reu- 
ben. 

Mrs. D. A great misfortin'. 

Mr. D. Unbeknown to yourself — a very great misfortin'. 
Yer Ma Ducklow knows. 

Mrs. D. Yes, Reuben ; the very day you come home, yer 
Pa Ducklow made an investment for your benefit. We 
didn't mention it, — you know I wouldn't own up to it. 

Mr. D. # Because, Reuben, we wanted to surprise you. 

Mrs. D. Yes, Reuben, we was a-keepin' it a secret till 
the right time ; then we was a-goin' to make it a pleasant 
surprise to you. 

Reub. What in the name of common-sense are you 
talking about ? 

Mr. D. Cowpon bonds ! 

Mrs. D. Cowpon bonds, Reuben ! Three thousan'-dol- 
lar cowpon bonds i 



36 COUPON BONDS. 

Mr. D. The money had been lent ; but I wanted to make 
a good investment for ye, and I thought there was nothin' so 
good as Gov'ments. 

Reub. That's all right ; but, if you had money to invest 
for my benefit, I should have preferred to pay off the mort- 
gage- . ' 

Mr. D. Sartin', sartin' ! And you could have turned the 
bonds right in, if you had so chosen, like so much cash ; or 
you could have drawed your interest in gold, and paid the 
interest on your mortgage in currency, and made so much, — 
as I ruther thought you would. 

Mrs. D. You see, we was lookin' out for you, Reuben. 

Reub. But the bonds ? where are the bonds ? {Enter 
Miss Beswick, with shawl over her head, r.) 

Mrs. D. {Aside) Her agin ! How d'ye do, Miss Bes- 
wick ? We was jest tellin' about our loss, — Reuben's loss. 

Miss B. Very well. Don't let me interrupt. {Slips shawl 
from her head, and sits down) 

Mr. D. We had bought some bonds for Reuben's benefit, 
— cowpon bonds, — and they've been stole ! 

Mrs. D. Stole out of a wrapper, when we had 'em hid in 
the house, or else to the bank ; we can't tell which. It's a 
terrible misf ortin'. We feel it dreadfully — on Reuben's 
account. 

Reub. I see, Pa Ducklow ! You had kinder intentions 
towards me than I gave you credit for, — both of you* 
Forgive me if I wronged you. Don't feel so bad about it. 

Mrs. D. On your account, on your account, Reuben ! 

Reub. You did what you thought best. All I can say is, 
the fates are against me. 

Miss B. {Stretches up her neck, and clears her throat) 
Hem ! So them bonds you had bought for Reuben was in 
your house when I called ! 

Mrs. D. Yes, Miss Beswick ; and that's what made it so 
uncomf'table for us to have you talk the way you did. 

Miss B. Hem ! You'd actooally bought the bonds, — 
bought 'em for Reuben, had ye ? 

Mrs. D. To be sure ! 

Mr. D. Sartin', sartin' ! 

Mrs. D. We designed 'em for his benefit, when the right 
time come. 

Mr. D. His benefit — sartin'. 

Miss B. Hem ! When the risfht time come ! Yes ! 



COUPON BONDS. 7>1 

That right time wa'n't somethin' indefinite in the fur futur', 
of course ! Yer losin' the bonds didn't hurry up yer benev- 
olence the least grain, I s'pose. Very well ! Sophrony, 
open the door, and ask Mr. Ferring to step in with them 
boys. 

(Sophronia opens the door, r., «;z^Dick andT 'addy enter 
with sheepish reluctance, followed by Mr. Ferring, spread- 
ing his hands to prevent their escape) 

Mrs.. D. Thaddeus ! what you here for ? 

Miss B. Because I said so ! — Step along, boys ; step 
along. Much obleeged to ye, Mr. Ferring. Don't know 
what I should have done if I hadn't met you. Hold up yer 
head, Taddy; for you ain't goin' to be hurt while I'm around. 
Take yer fists out of yer eyes, and stop blubberin'. Mr. 
Ducklow, that boy knows somethin' about Reuben's cowpon 
bonds ! 

Mr. D. Thaddeus ! did you — 

Mrs. D. Touch them bonds ? 

Tad. (whimpering). Didn't know what they was. 

Mrs. D. (seizes him). Did you take them ? 

Miss B. Hands off, if you please. I told him if he'd be 
a good boy, and tell the truth, he shouldn't be hurt. If you 
please ! (Mrs. D. takes her hand off.) 

Mr. D. Where be they now, — them bonds ? 

Tad. Don't know. 

Mr. D. Don't know, you villain ! (Rushing on Taddy) 

Miss, B. If you please ! (Mr. D. recoils) 

Mrs." D. What did you want of 'em ? 

Tad. To cover my kite. 

Mrs. D. Your kite ! 

Mr. D. ; Cover your kite ! Didn't you know no better ? 

Tad. Didn't think you'd care. I had a newspaper, Dick 
give me to cover it ; but I thought them things would be 
pootier. So I took 'em, and put the newspaper in the 
wrapper. 

Mr. D. Did you cover your kite with 'em ? 

Tad. No : when I found you cared so much for 'em, I 
was afraid to. 

Mr. D. Then what did you do with 'em ? 

Tad. Sold 'em to Dick. 

Mr. and Mrs. D. Sold 'em to Dick ! 

Dick. Yes, for six marbles. 

Mr. D. Six marbles ! oh ! 



38 COUPON BONDS. 

Dick. One was a bull's-eye, and one was an agate, and 
two alleys. 

Tad. Then, when you threatened to lick me, I wanted 
him to trade back ; and he wouldn't. 

Dick. Course I wouldn't. He wasn't goin' to give me 
back but four; and I wouldn't agree to no such non- 
sense. 

Tad. I lost the bull's-eye and one common. 

Mr. D. But the bonds ! did you destroy 'em ? 

Dick. Likely I'd do that, when I'd paid six marbles for 
'em ! I wanted 'em to cover my kite with. 

Mr. D. Cover your — oh! then you've made a kite of 
'em? 

Dick. I was goin' to, when Aunt Beswick ketched me at 
it. Made me tell where I got 'em. Took me over to your 
house. Taddy said you was over here. 

Mr. D. Where are the bonds, for heaven's sake ? 

Dick. If Taddy'll give me back my marbles — 

Miss B. That'll do ! Reuben'll give you twenty mar- 
bles ; for I believe you said they was Reuben's bonds, Mr. 
Ducklow. 

Mr. D. Yes — that is — 

Mrs. D. Eventooally. 

Miss B. Now, look here ! What am I to understand ? 
Be they Reuben's bonds, or be they not ? That's the ques- 
tion ! 

Mr. D. Of course they're Reuben's. , 

Mrs. D. We intended all the while — his benefit. 

Miss B. Wal, now it's understood. {Draws bonds froin 
her bosom.) Here, Reuben, are your cowpon bonds ! 

Ferring. I declare, Ducklow, you've done a handsome 
thing, if you never did before. 

Mr. D. Oh, I've had my plans ! I've had my plans with 
regard to Reuben. 

Mrs. D. He was always a good boy. 

Soph, {examining the bonds with Reuben). O Pa Duck- 
low ! Ma Ducklow ! I thank you for his sake ! And you, 
Miss Beswick ! 

Reub. It's sO ! three thousand dollars ! Miss Beswick, 
you're an angel from the skies ! Order a bushel of marbles 
for the boys, and send the bill to me. 

Mrs. D. We always told you we'd do well by you, Reu- 
ben. 



COUPON BONDS. 39 

Reub. Do well ! This is magnificent ! Sophrony, you've 
got a home ! The children have got a home ! And I've got 
a new flag to fight under! {Waves bond with left hand) 
Long may it wave ! I'll win the battle yet! 



SPENCER'S UNIVERSAL STAGE, 



36. Diamond cut Diamond. An In- 

terlude in One Act. By W. H. Mur- 
ray. 10 Male, 1 Female character. 

37. liook after Brown. A Farce in 

One Act. By George A. Stuart, 
M. D'. 6 Male, 1 Female character. 

38. Monseigneur. A Drama in Three 

Acts. By Thomas Archer. 15 Male, 
3 Female characters. 

39. A very pleasant Evening. A 

Farce in One Act. By W. E.lSuter. 

3 Male characters. 

40. Brother Ben. A Farce in One 

Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 Male, 3 
Female characters. 

41. Only a Clod. A Comic Drama in 

One Act. By J. P. Simpson. 4 Male, 

1 Female character. 

42. Gaspardo the Gondolier. A 

Drama in Three Acts. By George 
Almar. 10 Male, 2 Female charac- 
ters. 

43. Sunshine through the Clouds. 

A Drama in One Act. By Slingsby 
Lawrence. 3 Male, 3 Female char- 
acters. 

44. Don't Judge hy Appearances. 

A Farce in One Act. By J. M. Mor- 
ton. 3 Male, 2 Female characters. 

45. Nursey Chick-weed. A Farce in 

One Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

46. Mary Moo; or, Which shall I 

Marry? A Farce in One Act. By 
W. E. Suter. 2 Male, 1 Female 
character. 64. 

47. East Lynne. A Drama in Five 

Acts. 8 Male, 7 Female characters. 65. 

48. The Hidden Band. A Drama in 

Five Acts. By Robert Jones. 16 
Male, 7 Female characters. fi6. 

41). Silverstone's Wager. A ( ommedi- 
etta in One Act. By R. K. Andrews. 

4 Male, 3 Female characters. 07. 

50. Dora. A Pastoral Drama in Three 

Acts. By Charles Reade. 5 Male, 68. 

2 Female characters. , i 

51. Blanks and Prizes. A Farce in 69. 

One Act. By Dexter Smith. 5 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

52. Old Gooseberry. A Farce in One 70. 

Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 Male, 
2 Female characters. 



Who's Who. A Farce in One Act. 
By T. J. Williams. 3 Male, 2 Fe- 
male characters. 

Bouquet. A Farce in One Act. 2 
Male, 3 Female characters. 

The Wife's Secret. A . Play in 
Five Acts. By George W. Lovell. 
10 M»le, 2 Female characters. 

The Babes in the Wood. A 

Comedy in Three Acts. By Tom 
Taylor. 10 Male, 3 Female charac- 
ters. 

Putkins : Heir to Castles in the 
Air. A Comic Drama in One Act. 
By W. R. Emerson. 2 Male, 2 Fe- 
male characters. 

An Ugly Customer. A Farce in 
One Act. By Thomas J. Will'amfc. 
3 Male, 2 Female characters. 

Blue and Cherry. A Comedy in 
One Act. 3 Male, 2 Female charac- 
ters. 

A Doubtful Victory. A Comedy 
in One Act. 3 Male, 2 Female char- 
acters. 

The Scarlet Letter. A Drama 'n 
Three Acts. 8 Male, 7 Female char- 
acters. 

Which will have Him P A Vau- 
deville. 1 Male, 2 Female charac- 
ters. 

Madam is Abed. A Vaudeville in 
One Act. 2 Male, 2 Female charac- 
ters. 

The Anonymous Kiss. A Vaude- 
ville. 2 Male, 2 Female characters. 

The Cleft Stick. A Comedy in 
Three Acts. 5 Male, 3 Female char- 
acters. 

A Soldier, a Sailor, a Tinker, 
and a Tailor. A Farce in One 
Act. 4 Male, 2 Female characters. 

Give a Dog a Bad Same. A 
Farce. 2 Male, 2 Female Characters. 

Damon and Pythias. A Farce. 
6 Male, 4 P"emale characters. 

A Husband to Order. A Serio- 
comic Drama in Two Acts. 5 Male, 
3 Female characters. 

Payable on Demand. A Domes- 
tic Drama in Two Acts. 7 Male, 1 
Female character. 



Price, 15 cents each. Descriptive Catalogue mailed free on application to 
GEO. M. BAKER & CO.. 



Nos. 41-45 Franklin Street, Boston. 

-~X5 &0O0 ODQt)Q r OQ r QO r OQ f QQ r OQ r OQ f OQOQ f OQt)Q'OQ t OQ^)Qt)O r ' 




'rne JLilttle Krown Jug. Drama in Three Acts. 5 male, 3 female characters. 15 cents. 
Cnlisted for the War. Drama in Three Acts. 7 male, three female characters. 15 cents. 
A. Thorn Among the Boses. Comedy in One Act. 'J. mule, (J female characters. 15 cents. 
Never Say Die. Comedy in One Act. 3 mule, :j i'cimi'.c characters. 15 cents. 
Seeing the Elephant. 6 mule, 3 female characters. 15 cents. 
The Champion of Her Kex. 8 female characters. 15 cents. 
The Tournament of Idylcourt. 10 female characters. 15 cents,: 
The "Visions of r reeilom. II female characters. 15 cents. 

Plays for Amateur Theatricals. ^ 



Author of "Amateur Dramas," 



By GEORGE M. BAKER. 

The Mimic Stage." " The Social Stage,' 
'•A Bakers Dozen," tyc. 



The Drawnig-room Stnyp. 



Titles in this Type are New Plays. 



DRAMAS. 

In Three A cts. Cts. 

My Brother's Keeper. 5 male, 3 
female characters. . 15 

In Two A cts. 
Among the Breakers. 6 male, 4 
female characters. 15 

Sylvia's Soldier. 3 male, 2 female char- 
acters 15 

Once on a Time. 4 male, 2 female char- 
acters. ... 15 

Down by the Sea. 6 male, 3 female 
characters 15 

Bread on. the Waters. 5 male, 3 fe- 
male characters 15 

The Last Loaf. 5 male, 3 female char- 
acters 15 

In One A ct. 
Stand cy the Flag. 5 male characters. 15 
The Tempter. 3 male, 1 female charac. 15 

COMEDIES and FARCES. 

The Boston l>ip. 4 m;Tle, 3 female 
characters 15 

The Duchess of Bublin. 6 male, 
4 female characters 15 

We'ke all Teetotalers. 4 male, 2 
female characters 15 

A Drop too Much. 4 male, 2 female 
characters 15 

Thirty Minutes for Refreshments. 
4 male, 3 female characters 15 

A Little More Cider. 5 male, 3 fe- 
male characters 15 



Male Characters Only. 
Gentlemen of the Jury. 12 char. 
A Tender Attachment. 7 char. . . 
The Thief of Time. 6 char. . . . 
The Hypochondriac. 5 char. . . 
A Public Benefactor. 6 char. . . 

TheRumwaii . char 

Coals <*£ i h ? ar 

Wanted, a Mau , .. k. 4 char. . . . 
A Sea of Troubles 8 char 



FARCES. 

Freedom of the Press. 8 char. . . . 

A Close Shave. 6 char 

The Great Elixir. 9 char. ..... 

The Man with the Demijohn. 4ch-.r. 
Humors of the Strike. 8 char. . . . 

New Brooms Sweep Clean. 6 ch.~r. . - 
My Uncle the Captain. 6 char. . . . 

Female Characters Only. 
The Bed Chignon. 6 char. .... 

XTsing the "Weed. 7 char 

A Love of a Bonnet 5 char. . . . 
A Precious Pickle. 6 char .... 
The Greatest Plague in Li i e. Scha. 

No Cure, no Pay. 7 char 

The Grecian Bend. 7 char 

ALLEGORIES. 

Arranged for Music and Tableaux. 
The Bevolt of the Bees. 9 female 
characters 

Lightheart's Pilgrimage. 8 fthialj 
characters 

The War of the Roses. 8 female char- 
acters 

The Sculptor's Triumph.' i male, 4 fe- 
male characters 

MUSICAL AND DRAMATIC. 

The Seven Ages. A TaLkai En- 
tertainment. Numerous ma e and fe- 
male characters 

Too Late for the Train. 2 male char- 
acters 

Snow-bound ; or, Ai.on70 the Brave 
and Ti e Fair Imogene. 3 male. 1 
female character 

Bonbons; or, The P; int-King. 3 ma'e, 
1 female character 

The Pedler of Very Nice. 7 male 
characters 

An Original Idea. i male, 1 female 
character 

Capuletta ; or, Romeo and Juliet 
Restored. 3 male, 1 female characti r. 




TEMPERANCE PIECES. 

The Last Loaf. 5 male, 3 female characters 15 

The Tempter. 3 male, 1 female character 15 

We're all Teetotalers. 4 male, 2 female characters 15 

A Drop too Much. 4 male, 2 female characters 15 

A Little More Cider. 5 male, 3 female characters 15 

The Man with the Demijohn. 4 characters • 15 




Baker's Humorous Dialogues. 
Baker's Humorous Dialogues. 



Male characters only. 25 cents. 
Female characters only. 25 cents. 



